In regards to the current situation in New Orleans, my next several posts will be covering topics that can serve more than just your average revolutionary. We've all seen the nightmare unfolding on television and in the news, and we've watched dozens of movies ... but what do we do if it happens to us?
We prepare in advance. Be like the ant, not the grasshopper. When the fecal material hits the rotary air circulator, it is too late to start gathering up food and survival related goods.
What you will need
There are essentials to your survival that you should procure beforehand when all you need to do is order them online or at your local shops. Every individual or family should maintain what's known as a "bug out bag". This is where all your essentials will go in a handy-dandy carrying device. There are a lot of starter "checklists" or inventories to put one together, but the contents will be highly personal and situational. Here's a sample checklist so you understand:
1. money -- cash and checks. (As much as you can reasonably afford to keep on hand)
2. two sets of warm and rugged clothes, including extra socks and underwear
3. toilet paper (3-4 rolls)
4. maps of the local terrain, roads, and a pre-plotted course to a safe place (safe place may be a cabin in the woods, another town, or grandma's house in Wisconsin)
5. first aid kit, including antibiotics (if you can purchase them)
6. small set of collapsible cookware (camping supplies come in easy to carry sets)
7. canned and prepackaged food
8. water and water containers along with an easily portable purifier
9. compass, fire starting materials, a good utility knife
10. a weapon (one you know how to use but can afford to lose if you absolutely have to)
11. passports and/or other legal documents (useful if you need to cross the border in the middle of the night)
12. short-wave radio and batteries, as well as multiple light sources
Now you get the point?
Store it in a safe place and every couple of months, refresh any perishables and change the water in the water containers. Size accordingly ... I have a large family, so there would be two adult bags and several smaller "kid packs". Everyone pulls their own weight in an emergency, but the gotta-have items go in the adult packs. If you end up traveling a long distance on foot, you'll more than likely be carrying a kid and ditching their little pack.
Having a plan
If you live in a major city, there will be certain reasons that you must evacuate. Civil unrest, natural disaster, nuclear or biological attack ... these are a few reasons you might need to use that bag we mentioned. But the key thing is to have a plan. Without it, you're a refugee. With a plan, you're a survivalist.
The thought process goes through an escalation like this:
In the event of a disruption in services ... non-life threatening, we'll stay at home and use our own resources and stockpiles inside our house. It's the most defensible position, and keeps us together and in a safe place.
If the disruption becomes life-threatening ... such as food riots and looters, rampaging National Guard units, or spreading toxic waste ... then be prepared to leave your home. It is not worth staying in until the looters burn it down, or the nuclear fallout eats the paint off the walls and the skin off your kids. Use local media to find out which roads, bridges, etc. are still open, but be prepared to hoof it out on foot if you have to. (This is why your bug-out bag must be easy to carry!) If you're taking the family car, then you can load up everything you want in it, but if you're cutting out through the woods to avoid the looters and street gangs, then just the bag will be as much as you can manage.
Make sure you know where to go. Discuss with your family where the safest place to ride out a long-term problem would be. Is it the old family farm where grandpa lives out in Wisconsin? Perhaps that nice cabin you visited on vacation last year by the lake. Wherever it may be, know how to get there, both by road or cross-country.
And last, know when it's time to go. Don't wait until the National Guard has shown up in a truck to bodily remove you from your home and take you to a refugee camp. Don't wait until the crack addicts are starving and willing to kick down your door and face the semiautomatic weapons fire in order to get at your wife, kids, and canned food. Choosing your time to leave means you get to choose what to take with you. If that time is chosen for you, then you may be doing all you can just to get you and your family out safely, with or without possessions. Information will be your key to successful decision making. Use the radio and any other means at your disposal to determine if the situation is getting worse rapidly, and if so, declare it's time to go. It's better to be wrong and show up on Grandpa's doorstep at 3am for a surprise visit than to wait until you can't get out. Besides, Grandpa is always glad to see you.
Remember, the only goal in these situations is to survive. Be willing to abandon your home and belongings if you must. Be willing to break apart that antique chair to burn and keep yourself from freezing to death. Be willing to do whatever it takes to get you and your family to that safe location. Write a hot check, spend all your cash, use your weapon ... whatever it takes. If there ever comes a time when you need to pick up the bag and go, do not enter into the situation with fuzzy morals and goals.
Next ... the proper mindset for what you will face.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Tracking You, Tracking Me
The internet is a handy tool for dissenters. China's police state has sprung all sorts of leaks trying to keep information under lock and key. And here in the United States, great sites like http://www.cyrptome.org keep the information flowing. The government does not like the free flow of information and has tried to stop it on numerous occasions with technology such as the 'clipper chip'. (http://www.epic.org/crypto/clipper/) They have failed. At this point, our government is a wholly owned subsidiary of the corporations and one thing the corporations need is more avenues to sell their stuff. So you can trust Walmart and Amazon and the other billion-dollar-a-year gorillas to keep the infrastructure in place and keep people browsing. While they're selling junk to the uninformed, you and I can use the internet to keep informed, in touch, and in motion.
But there are a few things that you need to know beforehand.
If you want to use this info for downloading child pornography, or selling illegal copies of The Wedding Crasher then shame on you.
How it works
Each computer that will access the internet is assigned an IP address. This is basically a complex set of numbers that serves as your computer's "name" while on the internet. The IP address will look something like 192.65.1.100 and can be discovered running the simple command "IPCONFIG /ALL" (on a Windows based machine). While this may or may not be the number that is exposed to the internet, depending upon your infrastructure, it's at least the machine's address on the network you are on.
That IP address can be logged any time you click on a website. Often it will even translate to a more readable name for the site administrator, such as bobjones-17.comcast-carolinas.com or wherever you may be from.
But the IP address will always be 4 octets, or 4 parts divided by '.', to make up a complete address. The numbers in each segment must also all be under 255. As you can see, this is somewhat limiting, what with the millions of people wanting to go online. Also, it's not what the two computers systems are using to communicate with. (This is where it gets advanced)
So in addition to an IP address, your computer also has a MAC address. This can be viewed by using the now-familiar command "IPCONFIG /ALL" again. It will look something like:
Physical Address. . . . . . . . . : 00-13-46-13-45-E6
This is the hard address of the network card in your computer. It is attached to the IP address in the information being sent to-and-from the internet so that the information you've requested knows how to make it back to you. It will also make it into the logs of many common web servers.
How does the computer know what your MAC address is? The language used to communicate on the internet today is a standard format used by many different computers and operating systems. It's called TCP/IP, and like all standard formats, it works on the honor system.
Your computer will send its MAC address to whomever it is communicating with. The other computer will implicitly trust that information. It has to. It has no other way to send the data back.
Some network cards will allow you to change your MAC address. This is inherently dishonest and those network cards have the Steal-This-Nation seal of approval. If you find one of these cards, buy two because sooner or later the government will outlaw them.
If you can't change your MAC address, you can always change your network card. In used computer stores, used network cards go for about $20 each and with Plug-and-Play technology, swapping them out and getting back online is a dream.
How to use this info
Wi-fi is all the rage. There are so many unsecured wireless networks out there it is ridiculous. If you are lucky enough to have a laptop with one of those wireless cards that will let you change your MAC address, then you can find one and connect. So long as you don't inadvertently pick a MAC address that's already in use on that specific network, you're good to go. Connect to the unsecured network, read what information you need, send out emails to your underground revolutionary friends, or just check on the status of your latest FOIA request.
Who should know how to do this?
All revolutionaries - because you know you're already on the watch list.
Any religious person - because you never know when the government will ban YOUR particular religion and you'll have to go underground. (Don't laugh. Underground revolutionaries kept the Orthodox church and Catholicism ALIVE in the Soviet Union for decades.)
Journalists - because you never know when you might have something good to report that will get you thrown in jail if the source comes out.
Criminals - because there are more laws on the books now than ever before and more come out every day ... sooner or later we'll all be criminals just for living our normal lives.
Patriots - because you still love your country and can't stand to see what those government bastards are doing to it.
Everyone else - because you don't know when you'll fall into one of the above groups.
What else should I research?
This is not enough information to get you going, but it contains enough of a primer to get you up to speed and start learning on your own. (Hail to the autodidacts among us!) Here are some other keywords to research that will help you:
TCP/IP format
Network technology
Spoofing an IP
War Driving
Unsecured Wi-fi
Internet Anonymizer (http://tools.rosinstrument.com/proxy/howto.htm) <-- a much better guide than this one
Keep up the good fight.
But there are a few things that you need to know beforehand.
If you want to use this info for downloading child pornography, or selling illegal copies of The Wedding Crasher then shame on you.
How it works
Each computer that will access the internet is assigned an IP address. This is basically a complex set of numbers that serves as your computer's "name" while on the internet. The IP address will look something like 192.65.1.100 and can be discovered running the simple command "IPCONFIG /ALL" (on a Windows based machine). While this may or may not be the number that is exposed to the internet, depending upon your infrastructure, it's at least the machine's address on the network you are on.
That IP address can be logged any time you click on a website. Often it will even translate to a more readable name for the site administrator, such as bobjones-17.comcast-carolinas.com or wherever you may be from.
But the IP address will always be 4 octets, or 4 parts divided by '.', to make up a complete address. The numbers in each segment must also all be under 255. As you can see, this is somewhat limiting, what with the millions of people wanting to go online. Also, it's not what the two computers systems are using to communicate with. (This is where it gets advanced)
So in addition to an IP address, your computer also has a MAC address. This can be viewed by using the now-familiar command "IPCONFIG /ALL" again. It will look something like:
Physical Address. . . . . . . . . : 00-13-46-13-45-E6
This is the hard address of the network card in your computer. It is attached to the IP address in the information being sent to-and-from the internet so that the information you've requested knows how to make it back to you. It will also make it into the logs of many common web servers.
How does the computer know what your MAC address is? The language used to communicate on the internet today is a standard format used by many different computers and operating systems. It's called TCP/IP, and like all standard formats, it works on the honor system.
Your computer will send its MAC address to whomever it is communicating with. The other computer will implicitly trust that information. It has to. It has no other way to send the data back.
Some network cards will allow you to change your MAC address. This is inherently dishonest and those network cards have the Steal-This-Nation seal of approval. If you find one of these cards, buy two because sooner or later the government will outlaw them.
If you can't change your MAC address, you can always change your network card. In used computer stores, used network cards go for about $20 each and with Plug-and-Play technology, swapping them out and getting back online is a dream.
How to use this info
Wi-fi is all the rage. There are so many unsecured wireless networks out there it is ridiculous. If you are lucky enough to have a laptop with one of those wireless cards that will let you change your MAC address, then you can find one and connect. So long as you don't inadvertently pick a MAC address that's already in use on that specific network, you're good to go. Connect to the unsecured network, read what information you need, send out emails to your underground revolutionary friends, or just check on the status of your latest FOIA request.
Who should know how to do this?
All revolutionaries - because you know you're already on the watch list.
Any religious person - because you never know when the government will ban YOUR particular religion and you'll have to go underground. (Don't laugh. Underground revolutionaries kept the Orthodox church and Catholicism ALIVE in the Soviet Union for decades.)
Journalists - because you never know when you might have something good to report that will get you thrown in jail if the source comes out.
Criminals - because there are more laws on the books now than ever before and more come out every day ... sooner or later we'll all be criminals just for living our normal lives.
Patriots - because you still love your country and can't stand to see what those government bastards are doing to it.
Everyone else - because you don't know when you'll fall into one of the above groups.
What else should I research?
This is not enough information to get you going, but it contains enough of a primer to get you up to speed and start learning on your own. (Hail to the autodidacts among us!) Here are some other keywords to research that will help you:
TCP/IP format
Network technology
Spoofing an IP
War Driving
Unsecured Wi-fi
Internet Anonymizer (http://tools.rosinstrument.com/proxy/howto.htm) <-- a much better guide than this one
Keep up the good fight.
Format has changed!
As you can see, the format has changed here. I shall no longer be posting social commentary and other such things. From this point forward it is entirely given over to political leanings, important links, and how-to guides.
Viva la revolucion!
Monday, April 18, 2005
The House That Fear Built
The conference room looks out over downtown Chicago, the buildings growing smaller and more dated as the eye drifts to the horizon. We are gathered here for the summary meeting; a final discussion of our findings after a week’s worth of investigation. I look at the faces of the locals and see two of seven are American citizens, conceivably born here in the United States. The rest are immigrants from Africa and Asia. This is the new face of I.T.
We have been paid to scrutinize their systems and report to their senior management anything we find that doesn’t fit the norm. Anything that doesn’t meet what is determined to be the ‘best practices’. After nine years in this industry, however, I am afraid that what I see is entirely the norm.
Their systems reflect their working environment. Everything is set up with the basic defaults. Very little has been modified. The minimum acceptable standards to keep a system up and running have been met. Their systems reflect an environment of fear.
My colleague, himself an immigrant, explained to me when we arrived that this company has undergone massive layoffs and outsourcing. Severe cost cutting goes on today and all of the staff are afraid they may lose their jobs. Any error we find and can attribute to one of them will go on the dreaded permanent record we heard so much about in school, only this permanent record is not so permanent. It can hasten one’s departure from such a company if a misstep or error is still fresh on the minds of management when the next round of cuts should come.
It’s my turn to speak. I explain how one system I found was woefully inadequate and in danger of failure. I tell the sorrowful tale of the misconfigurations I uncovered while diving into its depths. A hush falls over the room and all eyes turn towards one of the local engineers, a middle-aged man from the Ivory Coast.
First, he challenges my findings. I quote technical scripture. I explain why following the basic guidelines is desirable and the consequences for deviation. The heads of the other engineers turn back and forth between me and their colleague like onlookers at a tennis match. Beaten, the local engineer finally acknowledges his defeat by presenting me, and the room, with a litany of excuses. I feel no sense of victory, but only the usual sense of guilt and dirt.
Some of the excuses may be true. They are short-handed and unable to keep up with their workload. The business owners of those systems won’t allow them to make many changes. The software is vendor run. They haven’t been trained to operate those systems. The list goes on.
Underneath it, I know the real reason. Fear. To make a change means to put yourself forward as an expert, and if you are wrong, then your fate has been placed upon the gold altar of business needs to be downsized as the accountant-priests determine. And for an immigrant, this means more fear than your usual American citizen can realize. He could be deported if he can’t find another job. Aside from the vast economic blow to his family, he would also experience the crushing shame of being a failure, of having failed in the land of opportunity.
I meet his eyes but he looks away, shamed. The others accept my criticisms without comment. The manager pulls me aside after the meeting and asks that I attend another meeting in a week or two to provide guidance on making some of the recommended changes.
In my nine years in this industry, I have been fired or laid off a grand total of five times. I have never experienced a period of unemployment greater than a month. Almost every job transition has led to a better job with higher salary and better opportunity. I no longer fear being fired, though I understand why most do.
The culture of fear is as bred into corporations as the beancounting. Some managers use it perversely to gain an advantage or sense of self-worth. Most managers are as much of a victim of it as their employees. The fear begins to feed on itself and grow until it reaches a point where no risks will be taken, no lofty goals set. The fear of losing their job prevents the employees from doing their job.
If corporations are to thrive, they must break this cycle. Managers, develop a culture of calculated risk-taking by telling your employees that no one will be fired for making a mistake. Reward knowledge and excellence and the application of it in your environment, and you will find that not only will your culture change, but all aspects of your business, from technical to economical, will thrive.
From one of the best business managers I ever had, I learned an important lesson. I had just made a critical error while working on a server and cost our business unit time and money, and more importantly, a currency that must be hard won: credibility.
When I asked if I would be fired, he responded that I would not. “I would be a fool to fire you after I’ve just paid for you to learn a very expensive lesson.” Then with a twinkle in his eye he added, “Just don’t let it happen again.” And I didn’t. Ever.
You can’t win every time, but losing by forfeit is far more disgraceful than losing a well-played game. Managers, don’t let your people forfeit the game out of fear.
The conference room looks out over downtown Chicago, the buildings growing smaller and more dated as the eye drifts to the horizon. We are gathered here for the summary meeting; a final discussion of our findings after a week’s worth of investigation. I look at the faces of the locals and see two of seven are American citizens, conceivably born here in the United States. The rest are immigrants from Africa and Asia. This is the new face of I.T.
We have been paid to scrutinize their systems and report to their senior management anything we find that doesn’t fit the norm. Anything that doesn’t meet what is determined to be the ‘best practices’. After nine years in this industry, however, I am afraid that what I see is entirely the norm.
Their systems reflect their working environment. Everything is set up with the basic defaults. Very little has been modified. The minimum acceptable standards to keep a system up and running have been met. Their systems reflect an environment of fear.
My colleague, himself an immigrant, explained to me when we arrived that this company has undergone massive layoffs and outsourcing. Severe cost cutting goes on today and all of the staff are afraid they may lose their jobs. Any error we find and can attribute to one of them will go on the dreaded permanent record we heard so much about in school, only this permanent record is not so permanent. It can hasten one’s departure from such a company if a misstep or error is still fresh on the minds of management when the next round of cuts should come.
It’s my turn to speak. I explain how one system I found was woefully inadequate and in danger of failure. I tell the sorrowful tale of the misconfigurations I uncovered while diving into its depths. A hush falls over the room and all eyes turn towards one of the local engineers, a middle-aged man from the Ivory Coast.
First, he challenges my findings. I quote technical scripture. I explain why following the basic guidelines is desirable and the consequences for deviation. The heads of the other engineers turn back and forth between me and their colleague like onlookers at a tennis match. Beaten, the local engineer finally acknowledges his defeat by presenting me, and the room, with a litany of excuses. I feel no sense of victory, but only the usual sense of guilt and dirt.
Some of the excuses may be true. They are short-handed and unable to keep up with their workload. The business owners of those systems won’t allow them to make many changes. The software is vendor run. They haven’t been trained to operate those systems. The list goes on.
Underneath it, I know the real reason. Fear. To make a change means to put yourself forward as an expert, and if you are wrong, then your fate has been placed upon the gold altar of business needs to be downsized as the accountant-priests determine. And for an immigrant, this means more fear than your usual American citizen can realize. He could be deported if he can’t find another job. Aside from the vast economic blow to his family, he would also experience the crushing shame of being a failure, of having failed in the land of opportunity.
I meet his eyes but he looks away, shamed. The others accept my criticisms without comment. The manager pulls me aside after the meeting and asks that I attend another meeting in a week or two to provide guidance on making some of the recommended changes.
In my nine years in this industry, I have been fired or laid off a grand total of five times. I have never experienced a period of unemployment greater than a month. Almost every job transition has led to a better job with higher salary and better opportunity. I no longer fear being fired, though I understand why most do.
The culture of fear is as bred into corporations as the beancounting. Some managers use it perversely to gain an advantage or sense of self-worth. Most managers are as much of a victim of it as their employees. The fear begins to feed on itself and grow until it reaches a point where no risks will be taken, no lofty goals set. The fear of losing their job prevents the employees from doing their job.
If corporations are to thrive, they must break this cycle. Managers, develop a culture of calculated risk-taking by telling your employees that no one will be fired for making a mistake. Reward knowledge and excellence and the application of it in your environment, and you will find that not only will your culture change, but all aspects of your business, from technical to economical, will thrive.
From one of the best business managers I ever had, I learned an important lesson. I had just made a critical error while working on a server and cost our business unit time and money, and more importantly, a currency that must be hard won: credibility.
When I asked if I would be fired, he responded that I would not. “I would be a fool to fire you after I’ve just paid for you to learn a very expensive lesson.” Then with a twinkle in his eye he added, “Just don’t let it happen again.” And I didn’t. Ever.
You can’t win every time, but losing by forfeit is far more disgraceful than losing a well-played game. Managers, don’t let your people forfeit the game out of fear.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
They have unplugged Terri Schiavo. She's alive, but not living. Soon she will die of starvation as her body shuts down, and then her soul will be released to find its way in the universe again. I don't know how I feel about this, so I'll explore.
Once, I saw a possum that had been hit by a car. Its back half was completely crushed and as it pulled itself along the roadway, a foot of red, mangled intestine trailed behind it. As I approached with a stick to do what I felt was merciful, it snarled at me and threatened to bite.
----
"What are they doing?" I asked. My hands were shaking. I wanted a cigarette, but none were to be had in the land of the half-dead.
"They are going to unplug you," the improbably erudite possum said. "You are not alive to them."
"That's not fair." I felt the first real stirrings of fear. "They'll kill me."
"Relax." The possum climbed up on a stump and stared out towards the sunset. "You're not missing anything."
"But I want to live!"
"So did I, in 1987 when you found me along Highway 84. But I was in pain and you helped me and so I'm here to guide you."
"I'm not going to enter the afterlife following behind a possum." The wind in the trees overhead rustled the branches like a lover's sigh.
"Who do they think they are?" I was angry. The forest was calm. "I might recover!"
"There is no real brain activity and your spine is severed. Your lungs aren't breathing on your own and your heart has stopped twice since they brought you in. Your wife has given them instructions not to revive."
"My wife, oh God." I sank to my knees in the wet ferns on the forest floor. "She's going to be alone to raise the boys. How is she going to make it?"
"Your life insurance policy will last her for twelve years and see two of your boys through college. The youngest will marry young and skip college, deciding instead to start his own business. Eventually she will meet someone else and fall in love, and cry at her wedding when she thinks of you."
I stared at the possum in horror. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because in 1987 you were merciful when you didn't have to be. I wanted to cling to life. I wanted to crawl into the tall grass and hide but ants and buzzards would have found me. When you released me from my broken body I was free to rejoin the universe again."
"I don't want to become one with the universe." Tears fell freely. "I want to be with my wife. I want to see my sons grow up."
"From here you can do whatever you want. In time you may be sent back to learn more, but I can't predict what form you'll be. If God smiles on you, then perhaps you'll be a possum."
"I can feel myself dying." I flung myself facedown. The thick loam beneath the ferns and dead leaves smelled of ancient decay.
"We are more than the sum of our parts, friend." The possum turned its black eyes to me, wise beyond the keen of normal possums.
"Human souls, possum souls, tree souls. God cares for them all equally, but he would not deprive us of suffering in our life. You think in terms of software and hardware. Memory buffers are cleared, and registers are reset, but the soul lives on. There is a vast universe to explore, friend, and you can pick up where you left off before you lived a human life."
"She's going to be so alone," The sobs slowly stopped and I rose to my knees. Wet leaves stuck to the front of my shirt. "I can't leave her, possum."
"You will, but you'll recognize her when you see her again. Your sons as well. Their souls are on their own journeys."
"What's that commotion? I can hear them."
"Your heart has stopped again. Your body is fighting back and trying to keep itself alive."
"It doesn't hurt."
"Not from here, no. Your brain is already dead. All that remains is your mind."
"That's a distinction I've never drawn before."
"While you're alive, it's considered nothing more than a philosophical argument. Don't worry. All that remains is just meat. There's nothing of you left in that body."
"I feel it." A deep peace felt like my wife's warm leg thrown over mine in the middle of the night. "Please, God, watch out for her."
"He will." The possum seemed to smile. "He watches out for us all. Life is God's forge of the soul."
I looked around the forest. At first, I had been frightened of it. Of the dark places between the ancient trees. Now it seemed like home.
I turned to the possum. "Will you stay with me for awhile?"
"Of course," it said. "For a little while, but then we should get going. There is much for us to see."
We stood in the forest and watched as the sun rose in the sky to the east.
Once, I saw a possum that had been hit by a car. Its back half was completely crushed and as it pulled itself along the roadway, a foot of red, mangled intestine trailed behind it. As I approached with a stick to do what I felt was merciful, it snarled at me and threatened to bite.
----
"What are they doing?" I asked. My hands were shaking. I wanted a cigarette, but none were to be had in the land of the half-dead.
"They are going to unplug you," the improbably erudite possum said. "You are not alive to them."
"That's not fair." I felt the first real stirrings of fear. "They'll kill me."
"Relax." The possum climbed up on a stump and stared out towards the sunset. "You're not missing anything."
"But I want to live!"
"So did I, in 1987 when you found me along Highway 84. But I was in pain and you helped me and so I'm here to guide you."
"I'm not going to enter the afterlife following behind a possum." The wind in the trees overhead rustled the branches like a lover's sigh.
"Who do they think they are?" I was angry. The forest was calm. "I might recover!"
"There is no real brain activity and your spine is severed. Your lungs aren't breathing on your own and your heart has stopped twice since they brought you in. Your wife has given them instructions not to revive."
"My wife, oh God." I sank to my knees in the wet ferns on the forest floor. "She's going to be alone to raise the boys. How is she going to make it?"
"Your life insurance policy will last her for twelve years and see two of your boys through college. The youngest will marry young and skip college, deciding instead to start his own business. Eventually she will meet someone else and fall in love, and cry at her wedding when she thinks of you."
I stared at the possum in horror. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because in 1987 you were merciful when you didn't have to be. I wanted to cling to life. I wanted to crawl into the tall grass and hide but ants and buzzards would have found me. When you released me from my broken body I was free to rejoin the universe again."
"I don't want to become one with the universe." Tears fell freely. "I want to be with my wife. I want to see my sons grow up."
"From here you can do whatever you want. In time you may be sent back to learn more, but I can't predict what form you'll be. If God smiles on you, then perhaps you'll be a possum."
"I can feel myself dying." I flung myself facedown. The thick loam beneath the ferns and dead leaves smelled of ancient decay.
"We are more than the sum of our parts, friend." The possum turned its black eyes to me, wise beyond the keen of normal possums.
"Human souls, possum souls, tree souls. God cares for them all equally, but he would not deprive us of suffering in our life. You think in terms of software and hardware. Memory buffers are cleared, and registers are reset, but the soul lives on. There is a vast universe to explore, friend, and you can pick up where you left off before you lived a human life."
"She's going to be so alone," The sobs slowly stopped and I rose to my knees. Wet leaves stuck to the front of my shirt. "I can't leave her, possum."
"You will, but you'll recognize her when you see her again. Your sons as well. Their souls are on their own journeys."
"What's that commotion? I can hear them."
"Your heart has stopped again. Your body is fighting back and trying to keep itself alive."
"It doesn't hurt."
"Not from here, no. Your brain is already dead. All that remains is your mind."
"That's a distinction I've never drawn before."
"While you're alive, it's considered nothing more than a philosophical argument. Don't worry. All that remains is just meat. There's nothing of you left in that body."
"I feel it." A deep peace felt like my wife's warm leg thrown over mine in the middle of the night. "Please, God, watch out for her."
"He will." The possum seemed to smile. "He watches out for us all. Life is God's forge of the soul."
I looked around the forest. At first, I had been frightened of it. Of the dark places between the ancient trees. Now it seemed like home.
I turned to the possum. "Will you stay with me for awhile?"
"Of course," it said. "For a little while, but then we should get going. There is much for us to see."
We stood in the forest and watched as the sun rose in the sky to the east.
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